we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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