i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
