he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
