I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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