Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
