also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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