i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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