Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
