My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
