hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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