highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
