I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
