my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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