I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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