Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait