i love accidental penises.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off