it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch