Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
