one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
