We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
