Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
