I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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