She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
