Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
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See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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