Your face is a jimmy john
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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