Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
