Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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