This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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