if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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