Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
