I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I am available for nakedness
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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