Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize