so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
