im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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