Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
