So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
