you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
