Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
