will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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