I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
