his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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