the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
