I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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