Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
