She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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