dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
