My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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