Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
