Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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