Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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