My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
