how can u be prego again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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