It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
