You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
