i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
