new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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