whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
