the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
