The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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