dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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