I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
