At least make sure they are 18
Why
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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