did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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